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Note 807.0                      Virus Sattire...                      No replies
BRIDGE::NETINFO "Net Info Distribution"             102 lines  23-NOV-1994 16:22
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Date:	  Tue, 22 Nov 1994 18:34:50 -0500
From:	  Randle Berlin <csvrsb@EDU.AC.ADMIN>

Here is a stress break sent to me before I leave to enjoy my Thanksgiving
Celebration.  Thought you'll would like take a gander at it.  Happy
Thanksgiving to all.

		       Viruses to be looking for:

BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (
But that part will never work again.)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then
slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.

MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much
for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers
to itself as an "electric micro-organism."

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the
whole damn thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process
without joining into a binary network.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit yor komputer, ewe just cant
figyour out watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software
says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really
mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be
the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it is bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a
message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply
and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...No new files!"
on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive
with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.




	   Randle Berlin	       Computer Services
	   (706) 737-1482		Augusta College
	rberlin@admin.ac.edu	  Augusta, Georgia 30904-2200

	      "And now abide faith, hope, love,
		these three; but the greatest
		      of these is love."     I Corinthians 13:13